The other day Juliette Lewis, dressed in a shiny oversized "Aussie", started laughing at me. So did a cocky guy standing next to her at some weird counter, consisting of an ordinary school table. The laughing stopped and I tried “I bought an apartment”. After a few seconds she looked up, chewing her bubble gum and said “Don’t they all!”. The office was small, no interior and barely lit. It took me hours to find the place. I felt uncomfortable and small, but after filling in the forms and signing the paperwork, the cocky guy in the white "doctorish" jacket lead me to my new home. While we walked through derelict corridors I noticed it was nothing like the beautiful and promising brochure. A pretty disturbing discovery. The place reminded me more of an old psychiatric asylum, where people get locked away in straitjackets, in rooms too small to kill yourself if you wanted to. When we arrived at my door I immediately regretted this deal. "Oh Lord, what was I thinking??" The walls closed in and the guy disappeared.
Pale orange walls are staring at me. “Come on in my dear”. An old lady is smiling at me and zapping the tv remote. It causes a constant changing reflection on to the opposite wall. She is undressed, well preserved in a plastic wrap. Her skin is cracked as the dark leather couch she is sitting on. I see a thousand embroidered cigarettes attached at the end of her needles. As I light one of the cigarettes a weird feeling enters my stomach. Here I am, standing in the living of my new 2-room apartment wondering "where am I?", when a rotting smell overwhelms me. Before I manage to cover my face the room starts to spin. Too dizzy to look and I decide to close my eyes. I surrender. My fall seems endless but unlike Alice I land softly on a kingsize mattress. Although I know I am still in the same room it looks different. Giant pictures of cucumbers ejaculating fluids all over the place. I get drenched in the stuff, but I don’t care, I am just glad that the sweet fragrance of orange juice is driving out the awful smell of dead salmon. And I rest my head against my mother's breast.
